Rock On
If you live in New York City and your young child yells from the front yard to tell you that an 80s pop music icon just picked up your garbage, don't doubt him....Need to repel kangaroos, there's good news and bad news: Dingo urine works, but you have to get it from the dingo first. Before going to jail, this was the sort of handy household tip one would expect from Martha Stewart....Here is a list of words and phrases I am too classy to use in conjunction with the following news item: "keep abreast," "forward thinking," "shed some light," and "pointing ahead."...Hybrid, the new, hot advertising slogan that you can soon expect to see attached to every product imaginable, even hamburgers....Want the non-exploding laptop? That's an upgrade....Health Report: They're sort of safe to listen to, you just shouldn't eat off one. Maybe this guy didn't heed the previous advice, but for whatever reason he went on a rampage with a large piece of earthmoving equipment....It is good to know there are professionals such as ESPN's Bill Simmons doing the hard work of selecting top YouTube videos for the rest of us. Red Sox fans, be sure to check out the last two on his list. Speaking of ESPN and sports reporters and Boston sons, we send well wishes to Peter Gammons, and hope for a speedy recovery. Rock on.

Buy Me Some Peanuts and a Burial Plot...
"A shot was fired; the bear is dead," pretty much sums up fugitive bear Bruno's fate....Would you want this man to become President of the United States, if he won't even fight the leaf-eating winter moth....The one advantage to online yearbooks that I can see is that 25 years from now it will keep your neighbor from accidentally finding your old high school yearbook on a shelf and passing it around a room full of your friends. Not that this has ever happened to me. (Note: I don't know whose yearbook this is, but look at these people, it could be any of us.)....New Tom Cruise movie coming out: An Officer and a Goat....How many times have you watched an intentional walk being given in baseball, and wished for this to happen...."...Let me root, root, root for the home team. Gee, it's a shame if I'm dead..."....Just wondering, but if competitive eating is your favorite spectator sport, what could you put on your coffin?

Irie
Call the Guinness Book of World Records people, Saddam might have conducted the shortest hunger strike in history....World Cup Fever, Catch It! Four Years from Now The US team lasted in the tournament about as long as Saddam's hunger strike. Meanwhile, this fan was lost for six hours looking for his hotel, but since he is from Boston he can't use the excuse that the roads were confusing and poorly marked. England has a tough match coming against the Ecuador Cow Killers....I'm all for getting rid of disco, but for the right reasons and the right way....Apparently, there are no 15 foot set back easements along international borders....The one thing everyone loves about their cable company
is the high level of customer service.....Music Friday: Irie mon, it's the Reggae artists known only as Elan.

Don’t Monkey Around
Soon, Britney Spears won't be the only one with demanding fans and pushy paparazzi once the public starts following every move made by the Monkey Man from India....Another clear sign that television producers have completely given up trying to think up good, new program ideas....Husbands, this might be a good time to look deep into your wife's eyes and ask her, "Honey, what do you want me to make for dinner?"...There is so much about the World Cup that Americans don't know, such as what language do players curse the referees in? Speaking of World Cup action, boy, those Germans certainly like their Pepsi. Warning to World Cup fans, keep your excitement level down to Non-Fatal...."Attention K-Mart shoppers, we have a Blue Light Special on Picasso tapestries today in aisle six next to all that Martha Stewart crap we sell."

Fixing a Hole
Who said our elected officials won't tackle the important issues of the day? Meanwhile, in Mexico, running a dignified presidential election campaign seems out of the question. As for our own political leaders of the past, we must ask ourselves: Would George Washington ever have ordered a soy latte?...For those of us who sometimes wish to leave the television and those annoying commercials behind and like to step outside at night to look up at the stars and contemplate the universe, well too freakin' bad for us....If you stay indoors, and you long for TV shows with bad acting and silly plot lines, the good news is that there will be something new for you to watch. What He Is Really Saying Quote of the Week: "There's always been a reluctance on the part of American television to recognize formats from around the world," said Jack Abernethy, CEO of Fox Television Stations. "There's been this notion that we're somehow more sophisticated and that these kind of plot lines aren't going to work here. This is going to prove them wrong." Translation: We are morons who would watch a 24-hour Paint Drying Channel if someone produced it....I can't believe there is only one major Lewis & Clark bicentennial celebration event left, and I haven't been to a single L&C party. And here is something else I missed out on..."Hello, is this the Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder Hot Line? Could you send someone over right away?"

Keep Cool
How many times have you been hanging out with friends, having a couple of beers, and the conversation turns to the question of which city sweats the most. Thankfully, sweat experts have an answer...We live close enough to a hog farm to notice it when the wind blows a certain direction, so we can attest to the extreme importance of this type of research....Apparently, in today's society it is too much to expect a trained police dog to be bilingual?...If we stopped believing in gravity and other laws of nature, what sort of world would we be living in?...Next up in our art exhibit, we see here an exquisite example of a wooden frame used to attach a blank canvass to, and over here are some highly artistic brass stanchions and velvet ropes....Music Friday: We have seen the future, and it looks these guys.

Kick Off
The World Cup begins today (yeah, really, today - I have it right this time) but I have found something very strange: a disturbing similarity exists between the official World Cup logo and this....Speaking of hell, I've driven I-10 through Texas, trust me this is not fast enough. Unless you just washed your car....It is official, television executives have run out of ideas....Mothers who have experienced the "peacefulness" of labor, feel free to hate these people. And when it comes to naming the baby, what's with Shiloh? I have a suggestion for a sibling's name....And they always make it seem like sailing across an ocean is really difficult....Music Friday: Hmmmm, Michael Andrews labels his music experimental folk. This is just a thought, but the first song reminds me of Paul McCartney's Ram album.

Don't Miss a Moment of the Action
In my last Pizza for Breakfast posting, I mistakenly said that the World Cup had started. A reliable source informs me that those were only training games being played and that the real edge-of-your-seat World Cup action begins this Friday...."Arrr, matey, dem dat download would be the lucky ones."...Or, God could simply let nature take its course. Meanwhile in Italy, the church decided God has a dress code. Speaking of codes, we have so far survived The Da Vinci Code and the disturbing consequences, but now await the Date Stamp of the Beast, 06/06/06....While the rest of the world worries about oil reserves, Thailand is experiencing a critical shortage of its own....Before the World Cup begins, there are four regular season games of baseball being played in the Bronx that some people will be interested in.

Handful of Manure
A Japanese forensic expert as determined what Mona Lisa's voice sounded like. The surprise answer: Carol Channing. Not really. Here's the link from the Japanese site, which to warn you is written in Japanese. Is it just me, or does Leonardo holding a microphone have a vague resemblance to Osama bin Laden?....For starters, if you plan to rob a bank you need to be more assertive and handle your weapons carefully....If you've been wondering why Daryl Hannah hasn't made any movies for a while, she's been pre-occupied....Naming a band these days is not so easy, what with all the good names such as Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Frank Sinatra, etc. taken, but at least try. WARNING: EAR MUFFS for bad words (as if you haven't heard them before)....The World Cup has started, and apparently Poland isn't very good. Meanwhile, in England they're shaking their groove thing....The Handful of Manure, and other photography clichés....Music Friday: Ah, Electronica meets R&B, sort of a Funkatronic sound, give it up for Jamie Lidell, before he accidentally sends 50,000 volts through himself.