Something's in the Air Tonight
Crockett and Tubbs are back, but what about Elvis? It seems the original Miami Vice is big in Deutschland. Funny, but in the 1980s, we couldn't imagine this look ever appearing dated (okay, we did know the sockless thing had to go)....Want to lose weight? Start with smaller plates. And don't supersize your order....Did the judge think to order him not to sing chain-gang songs while out there? Other celebrities would probably benefit from forced community-service....Growing up we always made a joke about how polluted Lake Erie was, but we didn't know it could bend space and time. (Best person's name in a story so far today: Aunt Melba Bates)....When looking for a reputable doctor, make sure they aren't performing surgery in someone's basement....Warning to vacationers to North Carolina's beaches, stay out of the water. You might want to change plans and head to Albania...Red Sox Nation says: "Uh-Oh." But Theo Epstein may be working on a trade for a couple of impact players from Florida....Now the sign reads: "Our dogs are fed on people who have nothing better to do than to complain to the police about our signs."

Need a Buddy
Maybe he was demonstrating to the driving school students what not to do....Ever wonder if you and your buddies look like famous celebrities. With this amazing new Internet technology, now you can....When X-rays can no longer penetrate your "body habitus" it's time to slow down on the Twinkie intake....And ladies, when you go shopping, Buddy doesn't mind holding your purse while you're trying on clothes. Or hats...Vacation Destinations: When visiting California this summer, don't ask "What smells?" because Californians are dealing with an overabundance of livestock carcasses. Instead, visit exciting Utah, where you can be sure to catch up on your sleep...."Miss Indonesia, you're coming with me." Or as 5-O would say, "Book her, Dan-O"...Pass Go, Direct Deposit $200.

Planning a Vacation
I keep forgetting that this is still going on. Apparently, Saddam has been on a hunger strike, with a very limited diet...Speaking of Bewitched, the most frequently used gag line on the show might have been after Larry Tate saw something unusual: Darrin: "Scotch and rocks, Larry?" Larry Tate: "Make mine a double. And leave out the ice."...Looking for new and exciting vacation destinations? Look up. Or you could always go to Lake Balaton resort in Hungary. Here's the actual tourist board ad. (Caution: Frontal Cartoon Nudity and Sexually Explicit Cartoon Content)...Looking for a candidate for Educator of the Year? We found the guy....Maybe he was bored of driving forward. Perhaps he had an excellent driving instructor.

Like it or Not
Yet another sign that Americans can't find enough stuff to spend their money on...Slogan for possible future bio fuel gasoline: Put Some Plankton in your Tank....Mass Gov. Mitt Romney, after he personally fixes the Big Dig tunnels in Boston, wants to be president. We assume he means of the United States....Product of the Month: Goose Goo Gone. Now if only there was someway to make Goose Goo into a bio fuel....Expensive tequila is nice, but will you still wake up the next morning wondering which continent you're in?...Music Friday: A girl band from LA. It's like, you know, The Like.

Space Invaders in Love
Suddenly it's in "bad taste" for a discount airline to make an online computer game based on the FBI search for the remains of a long missing union boss who had possible mob ties? Since when?....Now we know that when the Beach Boys sang about Good Vibrations, they were talking about a strange feeling they had in their lower GI tract. Despite the bacterial infections, surfing is "salubrious up the wazoo."....This headline is a tad misleading. As is this one.....Bored, wondering what to do, well you could recreate space invaders video game using real people and stop motion animation. Or you could do this....The sort of person who would create stop motion animation of old video games would proposed marriage this way.

The Mail
Weather News Flash: In a surprise twist for summer that no one could have predicted, it is hot outside. What's next, snow in the winter?. How hot is it, lobsters are being caught half-baked....Soon, drill sergeants everywhere will be barking: "Drop and give me 50 in the lotus position."...The Russian Bear goes WWF after sumo match...."Honey, there is an eyeball on our egg." Where else will they think to place ads?..."Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in." - Newman on Seinfeld.

The Real Feel of Cotton
If we are not careful, the exploits of Ranger, the perpetually escaping bull, will be made into a Fox TV show....Why the British are so British, they think of everything....The oldest man to ever play professional baseball just squeaks out former record holder, aging first baseman Julio Franco of the Mets....If you ask me, this sounds like a short lived fad that won't amount to much...Mouth shaped urinals at a McDonalds? Can you say McStage Fright?. Meanwhile, that creepy Mrs. McDonald has gone to Japan...Keith Richards Update: He feels great. But apparently he wasn't riding a jet ski when he fell out of the coconut tree as earlier reported....Music Friday: Meet The Format, from Peoria, Arizona. A nostalgic choice for me since I attended Peoria Middle School for half of my seventh grade year back when most of the area was cotton fields.

Pictionary Anyone?
For those planning an island vacation, someday soon maybe you could drive there....Good news for video game fans, coming out is Frogger 360. Hopefully, they didn't update the frog too much...And how is this suppose to ease international tensions? Do we really need lame, Herb Tarlek-style, pick up lines translated into six different languages?...Sometimes we are forced to think: Hold the fun down you wild people of Nebraska....Nanotechnology: revolutionary new way to make stuff, or college student scam. "Yes, professor, I completed the assigned project, but in nanotechnology-size which is why you can't see it."....Just don't display his works of art near an active fault line...Apparently, most teenagers in Las Vegas when asked to draw the United States from memory think our nation vaguely resembles a cow. Except for the teenager who drew the one near the middle, which thinks it resembles South America. Seeing these drawings I couldn't help but think of a popular board game.