Convention if Over - Boston Still Standing
Last night, in his biggest political speech ever, John "Blood and Guts" Kerry, along with the ten or twelve men he served with in Vietnam who have been surgically attached to the nominee's hip for the campaign as a sign of their support, told the American people why he should be president: So George Bush won't be.

That in a nutshell is the Democratic platform: To get George Bush and Dick Cheney out of the White House (although Cheney, for the record, is already out of the White House, spending most of his time in a secret, undisclosed location located at 16 Secret Drive, Undisclosed, Penn.) They would have rallied behind a chimp, if they thought the chimp had a chance to beat George Bush. Heck, they almost picked Howard Dean.

What the Democrats gathered here in historic "Beantown" discovered to their amazement this week was that John Kerry could actually win. And possibly could be a good president. They also discovered that while John Kerry had come off as aloof and stiff before, he is no Al Gore - the human wooden plank. Last night they saw the fighter in John Kerry, appearing before the crowd and announcing that he was "reporting for duty" then staring at the crowd with his big, sad, basset hound eyes.

This ain't no Clinton-Dole contest, kids. This is the real thing.

As for the convention, it was a success in that nothing major happened, such as a terrorist attack or traffic. With the convention over and residents and commuters still away on vacation, it would be a good time for Mayor Menino to give the town a good scrubbing and clean back in the corners and under the benches.

No word yet on if captive Sen. John Glenn will be forced on the Kerry-Edwards Campaign Love Train, Planes and Automobiles Tour. According to my wife, she heard that Ben Affleck was going. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? The 2016 Democratic dream ticket: Obama-Affleck!

Never-Ending Convention: Day 3 (Feels Like Day 300)
From my secure vantage point 28 miles southwest of the Fleet Center, this week seems to be going by slowly. Convention organizers must have felt the same way, so yesterday they spiced things up by letting Dennis Kucinich and Al Sharpton speak, believing that it is important to allow all sides to participate in this convention, especially since the networks aren't covering it so the chances of anyone actually seeing them was slim.

Sen. John Glenn also spoke to the convention. No word yet if he escaped afterward or had been recaptured by Kerry's campaign people, where he will be forced onto Kerry's Campaign Love Train after the convention.

Of course, last night was John Edwards's night. The vice presidential candidate gave a memorable speech about a lot of stuff I can't recall at the moment (hope and opportunity were mentioned). The speech was reminiscent of a Bill Clinton speech right down to the hand gestures, the southern accent, and twice referring to wife Elizabeth as "Hillary."

John Kerry landed at Logan airport earlier in the day then boated ashore on Kerry's Campaign Love Boat with his Vietnam buddies by his side who, it is now widely believed, have all been surgically attached to the presidential candidate's hip. Tonight is Kerry's big speech, so last night the eight or ten of them needed a good night's sleep. Hopefully, the bed was large enough.

Teresa Watch: Speaking before a group of nuns Wednesday, she told the sisters to "Shove it."

Weather today: Warm and Humid. (New England weather is not happy unless it can send visitors home with a cold.)

Ben Affleck (mandatory mention).

No word yet if Boston area residents who left town for convention week ever plan to return.

Day 2: Convention Boston
Here we are half way through the convention, and the Secret Service's security plan of frightening away the terrorists by telling them for months how bad traffic conditions were going to be worked. When driving a car bomb, I guess the last thing you want is to get stuck in traffic. Despite the good news, I will remain in my secure location 28 miles southwest of the Fleet Center, where no unusual activity has occurred other than the fact that it has been autumn outside. Summer was deemed a security risk - like Boston residents and commuters - and not allowed anywhere near New England during convention week.

Good news for captive Sen. John Glenn. He finally escaped from the John Kerry Campaign Love Plane sometime between stops in Florida and Philadelphia. But just like in those horror movies when the audience screams at the person NOT TO GO IN THAT ROOM, because that's were the bad guy with the mask and the acetylene torch is, well, John Glenn SHOWED UP AT THE FLEET CENTER. I am sure many convention viewers were yelling, "No, no, don't go in there Sen. John Glenn, Democrat from Ohio, get out while you still can."

Prediction: The state senator from Illinois, Barack Obama, who gave a rousing keynote speech ("Get out, John Glenn! Kerry is coming") will become President of the United States someday. Or he won't. I am sure of that. At least, pretty sure.

Teresa Heinz Kerry, the wife of almost-no-longer-presumptive-nominee John Kerry, began her nationally televised speech last night by thanking everyone and graciously telling Americans to "Shove it." She received a standing ovation.

And finally, there was Ben Affleck. Every place news coverage turned yesterday, it kept bumping into him. Doesn't he have a movie to make?

Weather today: Wet and fall like.

Convention Update
Yesterday was old-timers day at the convention, as assorted former Democratic presidents, vice presidents, first ladies, White House gardeners, etc. came up to the podium one at a time and gave rousing speeches to the crowds, some - such as Al Gore - appearing almost lifelike. Of course the big star of the evening was Bill Clinton, who one day hopes to become First Gentleman, and once again enjoy all the perks and privileges of living in the White House, but this time without any responsibility.

As for outside the Fleet Center, the traffic nightmare that everyone predicted did not come true. Mostly due to the fact that you couldn't convince this many people to stay home or leave the area even if Boston was in direct line of a Category 5 hurricane. This made it almost impossible for the protesters to disrupt anyone, who spent most of the day basically protesting to each other. By the late afternoon, some discouraged protesters voluntarily went inside the protest cage, where water and free kibble was provided.

In other convention-related news, Teresa Heinz Kerry told a group of inner-city school children from Philadelphia to "Shove it."

Sen. John Kerry, was back on the campaign trail in Florida after recapturing Sen. John Glenn, who failed in his attempt to escape at Fenway Park the night before. No word yet on when, if ever, John Glenn will be released.

Political Uproar
In the first major breaking news story of the convention, Democratic First Lady candidate, Teresa "57 Varieties" Heinz Kerry, tells a reporter exactly what he can do with his notebook.

Convention Coverage
The first day of the Democratic National Convention is finally here. From my secure vantage point 28 miles southwest of the Fleet Center, I have nothing out of the ordinary to report. But I will keep a vigilant eye out for anything unusual, such as Dennis Kucinich.

As expected, most Boston area residents have left on vacation this week, leaving the important task of giving impossible to understand directions to lost out of state guests to a mere few. Lines are already forming.

Of course, the real news from Boston this weekend was the Red Sox-Yankees series, in which the Red Sox continued their dominance over the 2003 and 2001 World Series losers by taking two out of three games. Soon-to-no-longer-be-presumptive Democratic nominee, John Kerry was at the game and seen high-fiving Kevin Millar, after Millar hit a solo homer in a totally non-partisan manner.

Kerry's visit to the game was a surprise, even to his guest, Sen. John Glenn, who thought he was heading to Florida with Kerry for a campaign stop before the plane was diverted to Boston. Glenn was able to escape his captor in the late innings by pretending he had to use the restroom, then crawling out of the stadium down a drain pipe.

I will keep everyone informed of any new developments from Convention central, including the threatening sub-tropical depression lurking off the coast which local weather experts are predicting could drop a good deal of rain on the convention delegates, so expect it to be sunny.

Freakin Psychotic Mockingbird
For those who might have been wondering, the freakin psychotic mockingbird is still terrorizing our neighborhood at night with it's psychotic nocturnal mockingbird chirping. For those unfamiliar with this nightmarish story, we have a psychotic male mockingbird in a tree near our bedroom window that chirps for all hours of the night (for instance, last night from about 11pm to 3 pm). Supposedly, this is in order to attract a female mockingbird. I hardly think it works. I imagine the freakin psychotic mockingbird also wears gold chains and a partially buttoned silk shirt. It's chirps translate roughly into, "Hey, baby, my limb or yours?" Last year the freakin mockingbird was gone by July 4th. My fear is that this guy is so incredibly annoying, even to female mockingbirds, that it'll never find a mate.

Olympic Update
Athletes know when to hold 'em and when to drop 'em. 

Summer Vacation Car Trip Time
Just you, the kids, and the God forsaken endless road.