Blah, Blah, Blog
First there were trade rumors between the Red Sox and the Mets, then it was the Red Sox and Orioles, then there was a three-way deal between the Mets, Orioles and Sox, then a possible four-way deal was floated that included the Marlins. Next, expect a 30 team deal to be worked out in which each team must send ten players with an odd number of letters in their last name to the team located immediately to their right, and ten players with even numbered letters to the team to their left. I am all for the trade so long as we don't end up with a clean-shaven Johnny Damon from the Yankees...Kids, are you bored and don't know what to do? No, I mean really bored. So bored that you would consider making chewing gum from scratch? Then meet Eduardo the Chiclero...This heartwarming story has Disney written all over it: "Tembo, the Killer Elephant"... You know, Grandparents didn't act this way when I was a kid...Brazil rediscovers one of its own...Planning a Rockin' New Year's Eve? There's nothing like watching Dick Clark recovering from a stroke...Rodney is Back! We had know idea. Warning, don't try this at home...And finally, if I don't blog again this year, remember.

Blah, Blah, Blog
Johnny Damon's conversion from Red Sox to a Yankee is almost complete. Check out the startling before and after pictures we have obtained: First, Damon as he will always be remembered as a Red Sox. Then, Damon being announced as a Yankee after shaving off his beard...Only 361 shopping days left before Generic Festive Day...If visiting Milwaukee, please be careful driving...I saw this on SNL the other week, one of the best things in years, The Chronic -WHAT? -cles of Narnia. Remember, it's all about the Hamiltons, baby...Crime of the Century: Nashville police are looking for the stolen Nun Bun, did anyone think to check India?...Time's up for Time to Make the Doughnuts Guy...Also, we say good-bye to actor Barney Martin, aka "Jerry's Dad," has he goes off to the big Boca Raton Grande Vista Phase III in the sky.

The Morning Blog
URGENT, URGENT, URGENT: Still no change on the current Johnny Damon situtation, he's still a Yankee. All in all, I would say Red Sox fans are taking it well...ONLY TWO MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS GENERIC FESTIVE DAY - RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY...Speaking of Generic Festive Day, political correctness comes close to home.

Arise, Blog Nation
URGENT, URGENT, URGENT: Johnny D is still a Yankee. It wasn't a dream. Red Sox fans sincerely wish him all the best in the future, by which we mean not being hit by a bus walking to the bank to cash his large Yankee paycheck while spending the next four years on the DL...It pays to be skint, whatever that is... Stop thinking of me, stop it, or else I'll get a court order...Just THREE SHOPPING DAYS LEFT unitl Generic Festive Day. Relax and enjoy the Generic Festive Lights...Dissing the English. First it was the food, now it's wine...Maybe that's what this guy ws drinking.

Awaken, Blog Nation
URGENT, URGENT, URGENT: Johnny “Big Appleseed” Damon goes to the Dark Side. Sox CEO Larry “Let’em Go” Lucchino states: “On the bright side, Fenway’s locker room shower drain won’t clog as much”…On Dasher, On Flasher: When Santa goes bad…International Travel Tip: When visiting Mexico steer clear of display mannequins…Only four more shopping days until Generic Festive Day. Start panicking…In Dover, Pennsylvania it is once again okay to believe we are descendants of this…Here is our weekly Banana Boy update…International Travel Tip Part II: Stay off Norwegian buses. Quote: “There is a naked, drunk, difficult Finn causing trouble on board.”…Speaking of buses, I hope Damon won’t mind walking to work.

Good Morning Blog Nation
Nothing like shopping during the holidays: the hustle, the bustle, the guy screaming urgent, business-related instructions to someone back in the office while he stands next to a large display of holiday popcorn tins. Not that I was eavesdropping – you didn’t need to be a government spy to pick up his conversation – but apparently something extremely important won’t be arriving by Wednesday as previously expected…Oh no, Bo is hospitalized. America prays…Here is yet another breakthrough scientific study with shocking results we never saw coming…But what, you might ask, do scientists know about the Mona Lisa? That she was 83% happy…Don’t believe them? see for yourself…Programming note, American Idol is coming back, let’s hope it is nothing like the German version…Only 5 more shopping days left until Generic Festive Day!

Good Morning
Only six shopping days left before Christmas, which since you can shop everyday right up through Christmas Eve means there are six more days until Christmas...If you haven't strung your Christmas lights yet, check this out then throw your pathetic three strands of colored lights in the garbage where they belong...Or maybe we should be calling them Generic Fesitve lights, fo shizzle...Hey, the Patriots have suddenly gotten everyone in New England dreaming of football in February again...For the record, I don't understand any of this…Yikes, this is one mean looking Mo Fa (Monkey Face).

Wake Up
All right I admit it, I watch The Apprentice. Although it is obvious that everyone, Trump included, is getting tired of the whole thing. But after watching the Ultimate! Live! Super Colossal! Finale! did everyone come away thinking Randal really screwed over Rebecca? Right at the end, after he was hired, Trump asked Randal about hiring Rebecca, too, and he said “Negatory, good buddy,” or something along those lines…Now with The Apprentice over, NBC promises to return to comedy Thursdays with The Office and You Can Call Me Earl, or My Name is Earl, or A Boy Named Earl, or Whatever the Hell that Earl Show is Called. I really like the Earl thing, but is it just me or does the concept have the shelf life of a banana?…Speaking of shelf life, A Charlie Brown Christmas is 40 years old and still easily the best Christmas special ever, with the best Christmas music. Forget Handel’s Messiah, 400 years from now people will go to hear the Vince Guaraldi tunes…And speaking of bananas, Banana Boy goes to court.

Good Morning
If you are visiting St. Petersburg (Russia) today, be on the lookout for a missing pet. It is described as large, grey, has a trunk and tusks...Only weeks after "accidentally" walking into a woman's restroom, Michael Jackson has a new life plan. It is good to see he is moving on, somewhere else...Whoever thinks Dr. Phil is not helping society doesn't watch his show enough...Note to New England residents: Another winter storm is coming...Stay warm.

Knock, Knock...
...anyone home? Testing out the new look blog. Changes are coming soon. Honest.