This Sounds Like My Office
The dangers of too much literature.

Magazine and Book Stack Cave In Quote of the Day: The apartment was stuffed from wall to wall and floor to ceiling with stacks of paper.

Parents We Would Like To See Locked in a Crate
This one, for starters.

Possum bin Laden
No one is safe.

Shameless Self Promotion
No time to blog, but a chance to look back on 2003.

Shameless Self Promtion
The Doppler of Doom.

We Would All Like To See This Happen More
Even Parliament members get thrown out for using cell phones.

Cell Phone Quote of the Day: "I think it is a bit mean but he is a Speaker and I must accept the ruling."

What the Hell is Going on in Minnesota?
Birthday spankings at work?

Birthday Spanking Quote of the Day: The judge in the case said the workplace tradition of spanking fellow union employees with a two-by-four was "childish, unnecessary, and ultimately injurious behaviour."

Literary News
We don't know what Mills and Boon books are, but apparently they make a great road surface.

Mills and Boon Quote of the Day: "There is the old saying that the road to true love doesn't run smoothly but thanks to thousands of Mills and Boon romance novels we hope that the M6 toll will."

Introducing, Mr. Picassohead
Now you too can create works of art, sort of.

Challenge of the Day: Create a Saddamhead, then email the link here for posting!

You Are Here
In case you get lost in the Universe, here's a handy map.

Stop Relaxing in England (See Post Below)
Because now you have Big Cats to worry about.

Single Guys in England, Relax
Police got her.

The "Black Widow" Quote of the Day: Quite frankly this woman is every man's nightmare," Detective Chief Inspector Martyn Underhill said outside the court. "Men can sleep safe tonight knowing she has been taken off the streets."

Heartwarming Christmas Miracle
Kitten survives meeting with a street sweeper.

Hoover Miracle Kitten Quote of the Day: "It was obviously curled up in some rubbish to sleep when the street vac come along and sucked him into the chamber."

It's Beginning to Stink A Lot Like Christmas...
Siberian officials crack down on stolen trees.

Siberian Christmas Quote of the Day: Officials in the city of Irkutsk warned residents they faced a foul smelling Christmas if they bought stolen trees on the black market.

We Have a New Idol
The "clearly unhinged" Colin Farrell.

Colin Farrell Unexaggerated Quote of the Day: "That night he drank 45 beers and they went down like clockwork one after the other. He had to get up at 5am the next morning for a long day's filming, but when I saw him back at his hotel the following evening he said he felt fine and wanted to do it all over again."

Shameless Self Promotion
Attention, Cheese-logs-for-brains, read this.

Ouch!
The very real dangers of text messaging.

Squeamish Quote of the Day: Callers to the station, reacting to the news, offered helpful hints to wayward husbands such as never sleeping on their backs and always keeping mobile phones tucked under the pillow.

Santa Letters Have No Where to Go in South Africa
So-called Advertising Standards Authority is suddenly worried about "profiting from the natural credulity of children." Isn't that the entire basis of the Christmas retail season?

Advertising Standards Quote of the Day: It encouraged "a falsehood that could break the fragile spirits of the already disillusioned youth of South Africa."

Still, It Can't Be As Bad As the Dogs Playing Poker Picture
Greek art exhibit takes down painting featuring "a penis facing a cross."

Modern Art Lover Quote of the Day: "If this work does not come down ... I will unhook it and tear it personally apart."

Fun With Mathematics
Hey, boys and girls, today let's find a prime number that's more than 6 million digits long!

Prime Number Discoverer Quote of the Day: "I don't think I'm going to be recognized as I go down the street or anything like that."

Can You Hear Me Now?
If you recieve a cellphone camera for Christmas, remember you can't do this.

If Elvis Were Alive Today...
He could now hide out as a Seattle taxi driver.

The King Taxi Driver Quote of the Day: Drivers have to post photos of themselves inside their cabs in and out of costume.

But What About Artificial Legislators?
Texas Christmas tree growers upset over use of artificial tree at the state house.

Artificial Tree Quote of the Day: The state's tree growers are up in arms and crying 'Bah Humbug' over the 15-foot polyvinyl chloride tree. [Blog's note: Is polyvinyl chloride a petroleum based product, at least?] [Blog's note 2: If polyvinyl chloride doesn't capture the true spirit of the holidays, what does?]

Start Looking
It's a good idea to check your attic for million dollar paintings.

Valuable Art Quote of the Day: One piece, bought by the Museum of Fine Art in Houston for $1.25 million in 1999, had long been used to cover a hole in the wall of a house in Indiana.

Shameless Self Promotion
Amazingly, while I was safe and comfortable at home waiting out the killer snow, brave and dedicated newspaper people somehow made their way into work so that area residents would have, delivered to their homes this afternoon, my column, along with the rest of the newspaper.

Weather Update
The killer snow has stopped and we are preparing to leave our bunker for the first time in what feels like years, wondering how much the outside world has changed. Two feet of snow is common around the area, but it could have been much worse if not for the weather stations' new Super Doppler Radar Death Beams blasting the storm clouds to smithereens as they approached New England, otherwise we would have been talking 5 feet of snow.

Urgent Severe Weather Advisory For The Northeast
Killer snowfall is predicted to bring several feet of the white stuff (i.e., snow) this weekend. Most likely we will be too busy trying to survive to be able to get out to do any Christmas shopping, so don't expect anything. Most of the television station weather teams have their new Super Doppler Radar Death Beams focused on the storm, but so far this has not been able to stop the storm from coming.

Higher Education in Europe
Who says college students are apathetic, not in Germany (of course, there the Vicars also hand out porn).

Protesting Students Quote of the Day: "We're here, we're naked and cutting funds for education is stupid."

Making Religion Fun
Pass out porn like they do in Germany.

Porn Video Handed Out By Vicar Quote of the Day: "The people who ordered the porn now have our religious films about Jesus in their video recorders."

X-Rat Games
For my money, this beats figure skating.

Formerly Rat Olymipics Quote of the Day: The university was forced to change its original name after it was threatened with a lawsuit from the US Olympic Committee.

'Tis the Season
This should put everyone in the Christmas spirit.

And We Just Celebrate Lame Thanksgiving
China gives their local monkeys a feast.

Monkey Feast Quote of the Day: The monkeys were also given cola to drink.

Master Criminals of Germany
These shoplifters probably didn't act suspiciously.

Law Enforcement Officer Quote of the Day: "He'd filled his trousers in the truest sense of the word."

What He Said
Rumsfeld's incomprehenisble ramblings can now be called award-winning.

Award-Winning Rumsfeld Baffling Quote of the Day: "We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know."

Runner-Up Schwarzenegger Baffling Quote of the Day: "I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman."