Floridians, Rest Easy
Authorities finally subdued the emu.

Journalistic Integrity
This is the sort of behavior I'd expect from Dan Rather.

A Real Sport
Baseball fans looking for stimulating competitive action to follow in the off season, look no further.

Aren't There Enough Jokes Being Made...
Without New Jersey trying to be the goat meat capital of the US?

Shameless Self Promotion
Beware: The presidential campaign season has begun.

Uh-Oh!
Citizens of Earth, it is time to put on your aluminum foil hats.

Missing Something?
The police should try posting photos on milk cartons.

Medical Profession Scandal
One logical explanation could be that the doctor was too busy golfing at the time to notice.

Perhaps Keith (See Post Below) Could Help Britney
She's down on men.

Important Quote: "I did feel kind of weird after those photos. I had, like, eight Red Bulls and said, "Okay, let's do it."

Did Bianca Jagger Consider This as a Cause?
Maybe it was Keith Richards.

Iowa Life
They'll do anything to get out of talking to the presidential candidates.

Stunned
New Yorkers react to Yankees' loss.

Disco Inferno
And you think American kids are tough to handle?

Fashion News
Can you blame the woman for not paying?

Be Prepared
The forecast calls for a geomagnetic storm heading our way Friday.

Heavenly Movie Review
Mark it as a thumbs down.

Shameless Self Promotion
Ooooooh! Spooooky.

Why German's Drink Beer
Because of bad television programming.

How Sad Is This?
Someone in Montana, please slap these people.

Typical Yankees Fan...
Escapes.

The Future of America
If it hinges on young people like her, move to Canada.

Hate It When This Happens
Those nutty sheep.

I Think This Was the Plot of a Jerry Lewis Movie
French need some work on their protests.

Owww!
If you're a guy, especially a guy in debt, don't read this.

Stop the Madness
This Red Sox-Yankee rivalry has been taken too far.

Pitchers and Catchers Report in Four Months!
As the exciting 2003 Red Sox season fades into memory (golly, has it already been seven hours) we look forward to getting things started in 2004. Right now there is a lot of disappointment, second guessing, and dramatic fainting spells, but that is mostly from the Boston sports writers who, more than the average fan, understands what this loss means: that they aren't going to get to cover the World Series games in Florida next week. "Curse the Bambino," each are saying, putting their bathing suits back in the dresser drawer.

To the Yankees, good luck. By which I mean, I hope the Marlins win. We'll see.

As for the curse, that's fine if New York fans feel that the only way their team has been able to beat the Red Sox over the years has been through divine intervention. Maybe they are right, kind of like in the movie Angels in the Outfield. Whatever works for Yankees fans. Personally, I would have given their team more credit.

Lost in all the discussion of curses and who the Red Sox can and can't beat, is the fact that this was a Red Sox team like none other before. Actually, a lot like recent Yankees teams. Hard playing, competitive ball players that can perform under pressure, and never give in. And this is only the new ownership's second year. They will improve the team in the off season. That's why I can't wait until spring training.

Go Marlins! Whoever you are.

Incredible Baseball Postseason Update
The Red Sox did it. Now the entire season all comes down to one game between the Red Sox and Yankees. Pedro and Roger taking the mound. Red Sox Nation is excited. Red Sox Nation is currently experiencing chest pains. Red Sox Nation might need medical attention before this is all over.

In the National League, the Florida Marlins are the champs. They got the job done against the Cubs and forever ruined the life of the guy who interfered with the ball in Game 6, causing the Cubs to not advance into the World Series. Because of the negative feelings and death threats he has received, the gentleman will probably be forced out of Chicagoland and have to live someplace else like Toledoland or Des Moinesland.

Cubs season 2003, RIP.

Go Sox

Vicious Crow Subdued
Quick thinking German police will probably get a medal.

Shameless Self Promotion
Before you mess with California, read this.

The Morning After Baseball Postseason Update
First of all, a tough, tough loss for Cubs fans. Red Sox Nation feels deeply for you. To be six outs away from going to the World Series with a three run lead, and then in a single inning give up eight runs; that is the stuff that curses are made of. The once-upon-a-time 3-1 series advantage for the Cubs is now gone and everything rests on game 7. They lose this one and it is more curse talk for another 50 years.

And this is exactly why the Red Sox have strategically placed themselves in a must win, facing-elimination, need to take two of two from the Yankees in Yankee Stadium situation. I honestly believe that the Red Sox's chances of going into Yankee Stadium having to win both games and doing so are BETTER than if they went into Yankee Stadium only having to win one. They play better with their backs against a wall. Had the Red Sox been as foolish as the Cubs and had gone up 3-1 on the Yanks, Red Sox Nation would have known right then and there that all hope was lost.

As for that Cubs fan that reached for the ball in the eighth that could have been caught by the Cub's left fielder, here is what the Fox broadcasters were saying: It is a normal reaction for a fan to reach for a ball, and while he might not have helped his team, he didn't lose the game for them.

Let me just add, speaking directly to the Cub's fan involved, by saying that the Fox broadcasters lied to you. It is homefield advantage for a reason. YOU DO NOT REACH OUT FOR A CATCHABLE BALL! ANYONE PRIVILEGED ENOUGH TO HAVE FRONT ROW SEATS IN A GAME 6 PLAYOFF GAME SHOULD KNOW BETTER. There is no doubt among Cubs fan everywhere, currently living or dead, that had they gotten that out, the inning would have ended harmlessly with no runs scored and this morning you would be lining up to buy front row seat tickets for the World Series, to interfere with the outcome of that series.

We can only hope that the Cubs can put this ugliness aside. As for punishing the fan, the Cubs organization should get the person's name and should he ever get good seats to a game again, the organization should make him switch seats with some true, loyal fan in a Uecker seat.

Of course, Red Sox fans are hoping that the Cubs game proves that all the black evil forces are focused on the Cubs this year and we can sneak into the World Series.

Go Sox!

Red Sox Update
This blog has been totally amiss by not keeping up to date. This blog has been very busy, what with the Red Sox in the playoffs and a constant, nagging feeling that at any moment Don Zimmer might come charging at this blog.

Let's recap the American League Championship Series: Game one, the Red Sox won, no charges filed. Game two, the Yankees won, no charges filed. Game three, Yankees won, charges pending, fines levied. Game four, Red Sox won, no charges filed. The series is all tied up. As for the Cubs and Marlins series, each team is scared to death they might win and go to the World Series and meet one of these two teams. Looking at the Yankees-Red Sox games they are thinking: "Those guys really are nuts."

Game five this afternoon.

Shameless Self Promotion
Looking for a new fashion trend, or perhaps a Halloween costume idea, then read this.

Oh My!
Red Sox Nation is celebrating today. Red Sox Nation is delirious. Red Sox Nation needs a stiff drink. They beat the A's by coming back to win three straight close games and will now face the Yankees. If the games are anything like the divisional series, come this winter, doctors will be treating Red Sox Nation for Post-Truamatic Baseball Playoff Syndrome. Here is the Game 5 story on ESPN.com.

Russian Roulette Illusionist Update
The show aired last night.

If David Blaine Wanted to do this Stunt, Britain Would Provide the Bullets
Don't worry, however, the illusionist assures everyone, "I won't shoot the gun unless I'm absolutely sure I can read the mind of the chosen volunteer."

Second Time In Four Days We Get to Mention the New Sam Adams' Slogan
"Always a good decision," not necessarily true when it comes to holding a radio contest involving public sex.

Warning to Male Readers Squeamish About Injuries to their Private Parts
Don't read this.

Red Sox Update
Red Sox Nation is feeling a lot better this morning. After two dramatic wins Saturday night and Sunday afternoon, the team is back to Oakland for game five and a chance to provide Red Sox Nation with, collectively, massive heart failure. The stress from these four games has shortened the life expectancy among Red Sox Nation members by five years. Game time is 8 EDT. Fasten your seat belts, and let's go.

Ugggggggg!
Red Sox Nation is now officially ready to leap off the Zakim Bridge. The Olde Town Team is down in the series 0-2 after the first ever Midnight-Daylight double header. The populace has only two choices facing it now: 1) Start drinking excessively; as Sam says in those Sam Adams beer commercials, "Always a good decision." Or, 2) Pray. The prayer below has been bouncing around town. Thanks to Dana for sending it along.


Our Father...

Our father.
Who art at Fenway.
Baseball be thy game.
Thy kingdom come.
World series won.
On earth as it is in the Cask n' Flagon.
Give us this day.
Oh Petey Martinez.
And forgive us our losses as we forgive those.
Like young Billy Buckner.
And lead us not into depression.
But deliver us from the curse.
Amen

Warning
To anyone who will be dealing with the good people of Red Sox Nation today. We are not in the mood for any crap. Red Sox Nation is upset, angry, disappointed, tired, disgusted, homicidal, suicidal, and come mid afternoon, will probably start hallucinating from lack of sleep. Red Sox Nation was up to nearly 3 am Eastern Daylight Time watching the team lose in 12 innings. If you will be conducting any business or plan any social interaction with Red Sox Nation today, and you yourself are not a part of Red Sox Nation, then consider this ample warning.

Shameless Self Promotion
Read this, if you think this could be the year.