A Peaceful Solution

Thankfully cooler heads prevailed.

Utah at Vanguard of War Effort

Little progress seen, however, in making cartons easier to open.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah Update

But how many times can he play Yesterday?

Latest in Suburban Assault Vehicles

But are floor mats still extra?

Evil Empire Update

It's all about the money, ur, fans.

Security Alert: Pink

Trouble in a small town.

New Scandal Rocks American Idol

Next week she might sing Jailhouse Rock. Meanwhile, my money is on Area Code Guy.

France Update

This should make us feel better.

Can't Get No Proper Web Page Link

Here's the AP version of the previous story minus the rugby news

Can't Get No Vaccination

There's something intriguing about any news story that mentions the Rolling Stones, Andy Williams and a rugby tournament.

Nothing a Few Tomahawk Missles Couldn't Straighten Out

Which is more strange, these highway interchanges, or that someone is this concerned about them.

Dixie Chicks Update

Support is starting to come in from here and here.

New Olympic Sport

Figure skating: Watch out.

More International Trouble

Who goes on strike next, the hookers?

Latest on the Dixie Chicks

This is not verified, but the US Navy might be mad at them too.

But Charlie, tell us how you really feel

Charlie Daniels is rosining up his bow against America's greatest enemy: Sean Penn.

Thanks to Dana H.

German Update

They were against the war because they had better things to do.

Mother of all Font Sizes Might be Used

Would this be shortened to Mo Foes?

The Internet and Beyond

What will Al Gore invent next, now that he works for Apple Computers?

I was Wrong, This is What Al Gore Really Had in Mind

Without the magic of the Internet, we wouldn't be able to see pictures of airline meals from the safety of our computer.

X-Ray Glasses For Sale

When Al Gore invented the Internet, this is the kind of website he had in mind.

Shameless Self-Promotion

Whatever you do, do not read this.

Fashion Alert

What do you mean you can't play basketball in tight-fitting, designer jeans?

Dixie Chicks Update

Now they've made these people mad.

Oh Yeah!?

If this is how they act, then from now on I'm calling it Freedom Measles.

Who Needs the French?

Not with Lt. Col. Flipper on the job.

Superhero Update

Saddam better start worrying now!

Maybe We Should Change the Name to Polish Fries

I am proud to report that this European country is helping out. I am less proud to admit that these "secret" forces posed for a news photographer.

Soaps Update

When did daytime television get this weird?

New International Worries

Are the Sopranos involved in this?

War Worries in the UK

This is how some families are relieving stress.

War Affects Homefront

What more could happen?

Nutrition News

After 20,000 he'll start smelling like two all beef patties with special sauce?

The Halls of Justice Report

He should have kept his legal briefs on.

Shave the mustache, pluck the eyebrows and put on a wig

Could the real Saddam be under our nose? Compare Saddam with and without glasses, to her.

Send in Jimmy Carter

Peace talks underway betweeen the Dixie Chicks and South Carolina.

Saddam Update

Compare a picutre of this morning's video of Saddam with this Saddam look-alike in California. I think the guy in California looks more like the real thing. And to the Saddam on the video, I ask: what's with the glasses?

Oscar Update

The Oscars are going to be more subdued this year, so we shouldn't have any of this.

Be Prepared!

This shows that we need to be ready for anything.

Thanks to Wes F.

Diet Corner

I bet you'll get the same results with this revolutionary diet and exercise system.

Disturbing Parenting Trend

Okay, these parents have way too much time on their hands.

Those Madcap Germans

I have one question, can I get sprinkles with that?

Shameless Self Promotion

Read this if you dare.

AAAHOOOOOO Update

The town of Del Rio, Texas is rightly proud.

Shocking Political News

You mean he's only playing the president on TV? Now I'm worried.

From Bad to Worse

Anti-Dixie Chicks protestors have resorted to using heavy machinery.

Tensions Escalate

France has gone too far now. And they obviously don't know how to spell pretzel.

A Great Thing About Boston

The city has holidays that are so obscure no one remembers why we celebrate them.

St. Patrick’s Day Highlights

Who knew that these famous people were Irish?

Major Scientific Discovery

Here’s something that gives hope to all sweaty guys worldwide.

What will we call Dixie Cups now?

Dixie Chicks now more unpopular than France.

World Leader Update

Mr. Whipple is somehow behind this.

British TV Update

Maybe they do have standards there.

Ketchup Song Fallout

Taking full responsibility for unleashing The Ketchup Song onto the world, Spain hopes that with this machine it never happens again.

United Kingdom Roundup

There are more pressing matters in Britian than just Iraq.

Storm Recovery Efforts

Snow removal and clean-up efforts after yesterday's 2 plus inches of snow are underway, mostly in the form of waiting for the sun to melt it. As a geographical region, we in New England are sick of shoveling and had this been 2 feet of snow we might still have left it to melt. This is the stage of winter known as denial.

International Campus Roundup

Wouldn't the stolen eggs start smelling after a while?

Weather Update

It's still S N O W I N G!

College Campus Roundup

He put the high in higher education.

American Idol Shocker

In an unforseen development, viewers actually listened to Simon and dumped the girl with the pig.

Urgent Weather Update

It has started snowing in the Boston area! Those is the area DO NOT PANIC. Stay indoors and remain calm. If you didn't get to the store to purchase a three-month supply of provisions (milk and snack foods), it's too late now. Continue to stare at this blog, hitting the refresh button every few minutes, for further updates.

Unexpected Weather Alert

In yet another flukey weather-related twist, today in New England we are expecting...SNOW. For those living in the storm's path: Drop what you are doing now, immediately drive to the nearest grocery store, and purchase several gallons of milk, bags of Fungos and some duct tape. Do this now! We are expecting upwards of inches of snow. AND IT MIGHT NOT STOP SNOWING UNTIL LATER THIS EVENING. Stay glued to this blog all day for further details.

David Cassidy Update

Forget American Idol. Here's where to go if you want to enter a REAL singing contest.

It's Soy-licious

When you see what they have created here, you'll know that nothing is sacred.

Secret Weapon

Maybe the French aren't with us, but we have something else on our side.

Lost in the Translation

If you thought the words to The Ketchup Song were hard to understand, then how about these words. I believe they have something to do with the game of cricket. The words are in English, but even after you read the definitions, don't expect to know what any of it means.

More Late Breaking Ketchup Song News

Apparently, the actual song title is The Ketchup Song (Hey Hah)

Here are the lyrics to the catchy chorus according to the official Las Ketchup website:

Asereje, ja deje tejebe
Tude jebere seiunouba majabi
An de bugui
An de buididipi

Important Ketchup Song Update

It is totally possible that Teresa Heinz plays drums for the group Las Ketchup on The Ketchup Song. (Before clicking on the link make sure your computer's speakers are on.)

Presidential Candidate Profile

With stiff competition such as this, it's easy to understand why Al Gore dropped out.

More Shameless Self Promotion

Click here for a good time.

Better Living Through Cow Parts

After someone has the operation will kids try tipping them over?

More British TV News

Now if they could just book Winston Churchill, that would be a show.

British TV Alert

Apparently, it ain’t all Masterpiece Theatre over there. Not by the looks of this show.

Theological Question

Would Jesus drive an SUV...to get a tattoo?

New Bachelor Alert

After reading about this guy it's easy to understand why he needs help finding a wife. Wine maker, former college football player, wealthy family: WHAT A LOSER!

Brief Weather Update

It is still sunny in New England. Also, there is something else in the air. It is very faint, but it could be warmth. I think the whole thing is a trick.

Shocking Weather Flash

Currently in New England it is sunny and, amazingly, NOT SNOWING. Further details as they come in.

Important NASCAR News

Do you think the racing truck will go faster if they install one of those sound systems with the nuclear-powered sub-woofers?

Storm Aftermath

Incredibly, New England survived the latest major snow storm (#182 this season, if you're counting), in which it is estimated that trillions and trillions of snowflakes fell. This morning life is slowly returning to normal, by which I mean we have ventured out of our homes to seek the company of neighbors, friends and co-workers to complain about how much FREAKIN' SNOW we have had this winter.

Urgent Weather Update

Here in New England you will be surprised to learn that it is snowing.... AGAIN! What's going on? Is there an evil scientist with a weather machine? It has gotten so that the snow storms are even starting to irritate the TV weathermen.

Important Television News Update

The show "60 Minutes" is reviving the Point-Counterpoint segment, but with Bob Dole and Bill Clinton. In rebutal Dole will always start off by saying, "Mr. President, you ignorant slut."

American Idol Controversy

Clearly, the fight was yet another tragic case of Simon-rage.

Important Rock'em Sock'em Message

If you're like me you can't find out enough about Rock'em Sock'em Robots and Battling Tops!

Let it Rip

If you finished reading my column and are still wondering what the hell a beyblade is, here's where you'll find the answers.

Shameless Self Promotion Update

Here's today's column in the MetroWest Daily News, in which I mention the Rock'em Sock'em Robots.

How Do I Work This Thing?

This is the first blog of the rest of my life.