Thanks
Every chance I had recently I asked readers to rate my submission in the Gather.com First Chapters contest. The contest, run in conjunction with Touchstone/Simon & Schuster, will award a publishing contract to the winner. My two-week comment period ended last night, and Round One ends today. The results will appear next week when the field of 2,500 is cut to 20. I'll keep everyone informed. Thanks again to those who rated and commented on my story, Simon Sez, Help! (More on the book can be found here.) I'll take away from this many good ideas and suggestions. Overall, the book was well received. I appreciate everyone who took the time out of their day to help out. Thanks again for the thousand-millionth time. (Really, I mean it, thanks.)

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With all the stories about trying to get pandas to mate and gorillas to mate in captivity, let me just state what everyone else has been thinking: Zookeepers are the pimps to the animal world.

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Hey, I thought at Christmas there was a Lego shortage. Now we know why.

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I love the double play combination of Yulieski to Yolexis to Yuslan.

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It says that light traveled through solid metal, but the solid metal had holes in it. Technically, it's not solid then, right? Still, it seems important.

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Now they are pimping for rhinos.

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If Paris Hilton is sent to jail, does her dog get to go with her?

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I just have one question for residents of Chattanooga, Tenn.: What the hell goes on there?

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This would be totally justified if their neighbor was Paris Hilton.

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This makes perfect sense, since Minnesota's official state bodily fluid discharge is vomit.

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Update on the rash of people falling off cruise ships: It's harder than you think.