ANS Free Zone Pledge Continues
If you came here looking for the results of Anna Nicole Smith's latest autopsy report to be released today, then you must have lime Jell-O for brains. By now it should be obvious to everyone that we are not the source of anything newsworthy here at PfB. And we certainly are not the source for Anna Nicole Smith stories because of our longstanding vow to be the one place on the entire Internet that isn't intently following her death as it continues to unfold.

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With the Final Four now set for next weekend, how did your brackets do?

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I doubt it had anything to do with alcohol.

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With all the talk about March Madness basketball, we should remember that college hockey's Frozen Four is also taking place.

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In case you were wondering who won the Reality TV contest to play Danny in the Broadway remake of Grease, it was a shocker. He also unexpectedly showed up on SNL the other night.

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If a stranger offers you some Texas BBQ, you might want to pass.

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We all heard of yellow journalism before, but is the world ready for brown?

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And after everyone finishes eating, they are going to build a barn.

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Death Cap and Destroying Angel, the names for Hard Metal Bands or mushrooms?


Links to Stuff Mentioned in This Week's Column:
Here is the article on the Rotten Sneaker Contest. I previously linked to it on PfB when I first got a whiff (get it?) of the story. The Odor-Eaters press release has pictures now. I found a photo of the NASA guy holding one of the sneakers. It appears that Odor-Eaters gave him a hat and lab coat to wear. Cool. For the record, now that I know free stuff is involved, if Odor-Eaters wanted me to be a judge, I'd definitely do it. And I would conduct myself professionally and with the utmost decorum. If you want to get to the Great Salt Lake, this map will help. Just be careful when you visit that you aren't impaled by the Great Straight Pin. Have you ever wondered why brine shrimp are important? Neither have I. Brine shrimp are actually a type of animal most parents are familiar with. Here is the link the The HUMOR Project, which makes laughing sound too much like work. Apparently, a lot of jumping into blue skies is involved.

SELF-PROMOTION WARNING NEVER ENDS, SIMILAR TO ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S DEATH:
The Last Week That You Can Help Me To Become A Published Novelist!
The website, Gather.com, is conducting a contest called First Chapters with Touchstone/Simon & Schuster to find and publish a new author. By reading my submission, which is the first chapter of my book, and giving it a fair (i.e: high) rating, I might make it past the first round of 2,500 entries that is being whittled down to 20. You will need to sign up as a member of Gather.com to vote, but it is free and doesn’t hurt or cause lightheadedness or anything.

The story I submitted is called Simon Sez, Help! Learn more about the book here. It is a Young Adult novel about a boy and a ghost and their friendship, sort of like Old Yeller, but with less barking. There is also a really mean school headmaster and a lot of really cool stuff that happens in subsequent chapters that will never be read by millions of children unless the book advances. You don’t want that on your conscience, do you? By the way, my sons Kevin and Chris have read the entire manuscript and both gave the book a completely unbiased two thumbs up. This first phase of the contest ends March 30th, so don’t wait. This is the link that brings you right to my entry. Thanks.