I Can Hear the Doppler Radars Buzzing
Did I peg it our what? My column about Opening Day last week predicted there would be a major freak spring snow storm coming, and I was correct. Twice it seems, if we get hit tomorrow as the TV weather sheep all predict. BAAA-humbug. Meanwhile, in baseball news, Dice-K faces Ichiro Suzuki in what would have been declared a national holiday in Japan except over there it will be taking place in the middle of the night tomorrow, or maybe yesterday, we can't be too sure which.

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Continuing to keep this an ANS Free Zone, we will only mention that the DNA results are in and Anna Nicole Smith's baby's father was not a) a space alien, b) God, c) someone from the future or d) Sanjaya. Therefore this is not - CNN are you listening - a news story.

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In celebrity wedding news, Elizabeth Hurley is in big trouble. Quote of Note: "They sat on a sofa and they were supposed to sit on the floor."

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Guys who are dating, beware.

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Granted, no one looks good when being arrested, but this is approaching Nick Nolte bad. What exactly happens to hair during booking? At least Rip Torn is not a firefighter (I know, previously posted).

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Hint for those who collect things and it gets out of hand: Put it all in a building, call it a museum and charge admission.

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Is that a Steinway in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

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Then he called himself to see if he could make the ticket "disappear."